Ey letter to my gelpren who libs in America

Dear Ambrocio,

Owkey, so you lep me twice today but Skype’s still on. It’s been going on por twelb awers and 29 minutes olreydi. I swurr, ip Skype wasn’t pree, we’ll be foor as pak right now. I know how much you like hearing me tok layk diz so I tried writing to you in my best Pilipino accent. Ozzam, huh? Writing in my best Pilipino accent… pani, berry pani. I’m berry berry awesome, ‘no? You really tink that you’re lucky to heb me bekas I’m a crazy girl, ‘no?

Anywaaaay, I miss you. I tink I hurd you calling me bipor you lib agen por di sekand taym. I didnat wake up por you bekas I tot I was jas dreaming. I’m sorry, love. Until now, I kenat seem to distinguish pantasy pram reality bekas you are like a dream come true! Makes sense, right? So come home now, I miss you olreydi.

I told myselp that I’m not gana write to you in english but I tink writing to you layk dis is berry berry fun. I mean, fan. And bekas you’re in America, I tot I should talk to you in tagalog more opten. It’ll be like a change of scenery! A bret of presh air! This is such a berry berry cool idea! Why haven’t I tot about dis bepor? Maybe next time I should bidyo myselp talking like dis, ‘no? You’re gana labet por sure! And your pans will also labet! You’re gana play it ober and ober again till your ears hurt! I know you love me so much and datchu paynd me adorable when I do stuff like dis. I zamtayms tink datchor crazy, you know? Bekas you paynd me cute. I don’t see myselp as cute, hot, yes, but cute? Owmaygad, I don’t tink so! But, okay, okay, I’ll allow you to say that I’m cute but please not ebriday, okay? Not all op da paking time! It’s paking annoying! Chareeeng.

I tink dis letter is very scattered olreydi. (Scattered = kalat-kalat LOL) And I’m hearing your boice now from the computer. I tink you’re singing. Yes, you’re home now. I’m gonna sfend some time talking to you ageyn bekas I really missed your boice, demmit. I told you bipor dat I miss you always, right? I miss you even when you’re sleefing or zamting laykdat? Yes, I could be needy zamtayms.

I love you.

Bogart

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